A Case of the Mondays
by PrincessStayPuff
Summary: Sookie gets a taste of Supe office life in this short story written for Week #22 of the Weekly One-Shot Challenge. Inspired by the movie Office Space. Enjoy!


**A/N: Hee Hee Hee…I couldn't resist. So enjoy and please review!**

**Oh, also, this takes place sometime after From Dead to Worse. I don't like all the drama left after Dead and Gone.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Southern Vampire Mystery Series.**

……

I was about to kill someone. I realize I was raised to be a Christian, but "Thou shall not kill" does not apply when your cell phone rings at 1:13 am on a Monday morning. It's was in the fine print on the tablet, I'm sure of it.

"Hello?" I didn't really care if the person on the other end of the phone could understand what I was mumbling into my pillow.

"Sookie…I need you." That was enough to make me sit straight up in bed.

"Bill? Is that you?" I hadn't checked my caller ID but I knew that voice anywhere.

"I don't have time to explain. Just write down this address…"

"Wait, you call me at 1 o'clock in the morning and expect me to follow out your crazy instructions with no idea of what I'll find when I go through with them?" There was silence on the other end of the line.

"This isn't a booty call is it?" If Bill, after everything that had happened between us, was now calling with an elaborate plan to somehow get some middle of the night nookie…I couldn't decided if I should laugh or be outraged.

"Sookie, as much as I would prefer that to be the case, it is not. I promise this situation is unlikely to bring any physical harm to your person, now would you please write down the address I am about to give you?" He sounded exhausted…and rushed. Both were unheard of. My curiosity was peaked.

"Sure." I grabbed a pen from my nightstand and wrote the information on my hand and read it back to him to confirm.

"Sookie, please hurry." He hung up. No salutations of any kind. That, above anything else, worried me. Bill had always used his southern manners to charm me. Something must be wrong.

I hurried out of bed and stood in front of my closet trying to decide what was appropriate for a nighttime emergency. It was most likely some kind of vampire business so I should dress respectable. Bill seemed stressed which could mean the situation was dangerous, so I wanted something that wouldn't work against me in a fight; such as a skirt or heels. It was also late at night and I wanted to be comfortable. I decided on a nice pair of jeans and a plain button up shirt. Professional, comfortable, practical.

I grabbed my jacket and my purse and hopped in my car, heading for Shreveport. The address was on the outside limits of the city and with so little traffic, I made it in a record forty minutes. The building itself was three stories and looked like a generic office building. All the windows were dark and mine was the only car in the lot. I was about to call Bill to double check the address when I saw him fly out of the front doors. He sped over to my car and opened my door for me.

"Thank god." He said he pulled me out of the car and began walking us back towards the building.

"Bill, can you just tell me what the heck is going on?" I pulled my arm out of his grasp just as we reached the front doors. He held up a single finger to tell me to hold on. I watched as he dialed a long code in the keypad by the door before a loud click sounded and he pulled it open, leading us inside. He pulled us through a small, deserted lobby to a lone elevator and held it open for me. I narrowed my eyes at him, but stepped inside. The doors closed and I began my inquisition (word of the day).

"What the heck do you think you're doing Bill Compton? Tell me what is going on! What am I doing here?" I realized a little too late that my voice was slightly too loud for such an enclosed space. I flinched a little.

"You're here to help me. I needed someone I could trust that can be here in the daylight." He used a key to unlock the maintenance panel by the floor buttons, revealing three more buttons. He pressed "L2" and the elevator lurched downward. He handed me the key and I pocketed it, it was always nice to know I had a way out.

"I promise, you will be well compensated for your time here. I should only need you until about 10 am." He looked very intently at me, if I didn't know that it were impossible, I would have thought that his eyes were betraying his emotions…and he was thankful.

A loud ding alerted me that we had reached our destination and the door opened on a normal office, filled with cubicles and workers and lit by rows of florescent lights. It would have been quite disappointing if it weren't for the fact that the office was in complete and obvious chaos. Bill stepped out and the whole room broke out in calls of "Bill! Bill, over here!" and, "Bill! Quick question!".

I followed along behind Bill as he made his way through the maze of desks and promised everyone he would be right back. We made it to the other side of the large open room and he opened a door to an average looking conference room. I took a seat at the long table and stared out the windows into the room we had just passed though. People were yelling at each other and papers were being roughly thrown around. I watched in horror as two people bumped their rolling chairs into one another. They both stood up and a few words were said before one shifted her arm into a clawed paw and made a swipe at the other, who threw himself at the first. Two brave bystanders broke in between them and pulled them apart. Bill sat down across from me and put his head in his arms on the table.

"Explain. What the hell is going on here?" I made a motion to the scene behind him.

"It's all my fault. I didn't anticipate this kind of response." He looked up to meet my eyes.

"It's the database. We went global. I couldn't do it by myself any more. I was getting too many emails with questions and I needed help. Then individual countries and areas and companies wanted to hire me to do more in-depth programs specifically for them. It just got out of control."

"So…you hired these people to help?" I spoke slowly, unsure of what I was really doing here.

"Yes, those people out there are my phone and email support. They're taking questions from customers. Upstairs is legal, they're negotiating and writing up all the new contracts we're getting. I've also been hit with a pile of law suits from vampires claiming that it's an invasion of their privacy to be a part of the database, they're demanding to be removed from it. Then there's downstairs. It houses all the technical stuff. My office is down there, along with a few coffins for emergencies. I haven't left the building in four days." He gave a defeated chuckle and his head collapsed back down on the table.

"So…why am I here? I don't know much about the database. I doubt I can help much." I reached over to pat his hand and his face rose back up to meet mine.

"You don't understand. The system completely crashed a few hours ago. We're getting so much traffic, levels I never anticipated. I sent the products out to different continents at different times to try and prevent an abundance of traffic at any one time. It didn't work. I had to call in a lot of people to help. I cleaned out about three Supe temp agencies worth of people. I've got shifters and Weres and demons and witches and a few part fairies out there. And I can't be out there to supervise, I have to be downstairs doing maintenance and trying to keep this whole thing afloat." His eyes were wide and he was ranting.

"We hate each other, Sookie. None of us like any other kind of Supe. I'm practically asking for a war to break out. I'm renting this space, Sookie. All it takes is a single blood offence to start it and I'll be slapped with a cleaning bill that would make Donald Trump quite pale. But you're the key. You're part fae. You're a friend of the Shreveport pack. Even Cataliades respects you… and demons are hard to impress." He had reached over to squeeze my hand, smiling and sure that he was right.

"Again…why am I here?" I must be slow, because I still wasn't getting it.

"Well, mostly, I just need you to be here. I need someone who can mediate between species and be a positive force. I figure you can just float wherever they need you most for now. When us vampires go to rest, I'll be leaving you in charge. But only until your replacement arrives, he's some specialist that the king hired when he learned about the kind of response we were getting. Will you do it?" He smiled at me, practically pleading that I not roll my eyes and storm out…which is exactly what I was considering. Honestly, I was scared; I had never seen Bill like this. Bill was usually calm, collected, and organized. Another look at him and I realized I could not deny to help him. We were friends now and I wouldn't be leaving him in his own hour of need. I nodded in defeat.

He looked as if he was about to hug me or jump for joy but was interrupted by his cell phone beeping with a text message. Somehow, the sight of Bill rolling his eyes at his phone and then punching angrily at the little keys made me giggle a little. Bill ignored my reaction.

"I've got another problem downstairs. I'm going to be putting you on the phones right now, that seems to be where most of the problems have been lately." With that, he opened the door for me and led us back through the zoo of Supes. Past the Were that was still trying to calm down and shift her arm back. Past a witch who snatched a document from the dozens of papers floating around her head and began writing. Past a couple of vamps who were having a very tense staring contest while both holding a sharpened pencil. He stopped in front of an empty chair in a long line of desks, separated by dividers. By the time I sat down, he was gone, and I was completely overwhelmed.

"You are correct sir. We did not advertise the fact that you actually need a computer to access the database; but unfortunately, we do not provide refunds on the basis of idiocy."My neighbor paused to hear the customer's response.

"I assure you that it is, in fact, common sense. I personally know a mentally handicapped vampire, and even he has purchased this system and become quite competent in its use."I knew that voice.

"I see, well, then you can look at this little misunderstanding as a sign. It seems the universe is working on the side of those you would try to contact using our database. No vampire has enough time to be wasting any of it in your moronic presence. I truly pity your maker for indefinitely tying himself to you, it's no wonder you haven't heard from him in decades." I peeked over the divider to watch.

"Listen to me you irritating little leech, be thankful that you are not worth my time to fly across the ocean and participate in a little cleansing of the vampire population. I suggest you hang up and never call this help line ever again. You have a pleasant night sir." I watched as she hung up and pulled the headset off her head.

"Pam?" I whispered. Her head snapped up and I flinched back at the look of fury in her eyes. They quickly softened and she gave me her signature grin.

"Sookie…I see Bill is calling in all of his favors." She kicked back with her feet so her chair rolled out from behind her desk and I didn't have to peek over the divider to see her.

"Why are you here, Pam? You don't seem like the kind of person who would just help Bill out of the kindness of your heart." I narrowed my eyes at her.

"Honestly, I would prefer to watch him crash and burn but my master insists on making a profit from his little venture. That, with the fact that Fangtasia is closed tonight, earned me a seat here…telling imbeciles how to insert a disk." That made sense, I could definitely see Eric sending Pam to look after his assets. Her phone rang again and she glanced at her headset a second before scooting all the way out of her workspace and into mine.

"Pam, how long has this been going on? People are running around like chickens with their heads cut off! It's got to slow down soon right?"

"Well…I've spent at least part of every night here since Thursday, that's when it really started. It's been getting progressively worse. Asia's coming online in a few hours and I half expect it rain fire and brimstone when it does." She pulled out a small bottle of nail polish from her cleavage and shook it a little.

"Cupid's Blush?" She asked. I just shook my head and wondered how I was going to talk my way out of here before the shit hit the fan.

"Are you Ms. Stackhouse?" I turned around to find a young Were woman looking at me. I nodded and she looked relieved.

"Great. I was told that you could deliver these to the second floor for me? Demons scare me." She held out a small stack of manila file folders and I took them from her.

"What are these?" I asked as I flipped through the folders.

"They're some more threats. People saying they're going to sue us…or kill us."She shrugged and then scuttled away as I turned back to Pam, who was applying a fresh coat of pink to her nails.

"What's on the second floor again?" I tried to remember Bill's explanation but the details eluded me.

"That would be legal…three floors up. If you ask me, it's ridiculous how they numbered these floors. I realize that it's meant to confuse would-be-terrorists but it's confusing the rest of us in the process. Maybe you could talk to Bill about that?" She glanced up at me before going back to her nails.

"We'll see about that. I better go, I'll talk to you later Pam." I stood to go to the elevators.

"Of, course Sookie. Say 'hi' to Cataliades for me." Pam called out.

"Will do. Try not to work too hard while I'm gone." I mumbled the last part to myself but I knew that she could still hear it.

The elevator was empty and it quickly zoomed me up the three floors and opened on a much quieter and less occupied room. The furthest half of the room was closed off and only accessible through doors leading to private offices. I was looking around the room and trying to decide who I should give the folders to when I spotted a friendly face.

"Hi Diantha!" I said, walking up to her desk. She held up a finger for me to wait a moment and I realized that she was on the phone.

"And I said, I don't care if they lay me off either, because I told, I told Bill that if they move my desk one more time, then, then I'm, I'm quittin, I'mgoingtoquit. And, and I told Don too, because they've moved my desk four times already this week, and I used to be over by the window, and I could see the squirrels, andtheyweremarried, but then, they switched from the Swingline to the Boston stapler, but I kept my Swingline stapler because it didn't bind up as much, and I kept the staples for the Swingline stapler and it's not okay because if they take my stapler thenI'llsetthebuildingonfire..." She glared over at the office door closest to her.

"No, noIunderstand. Thanks for listening. Gnight." She looked sheepishly at me. "Boyfriend." I nodded.

"Sookie, Iheardyouwerehere." I mentally giggled that she was wearing another one of her too short/too see-through/ too colorful outfits in the workplace.

"Hey Diantha. I guess you're helping out your uncle?" I handed her the folders and she took them.

"Yeah. The king sent him here and he called a few days ago and said he needed some help. Iwasn'tdoinganythinganyways." She said flipping through the papers I had handed her.

"Well at least you're not stuck down in that pit they call a help center. I feel like at any moment a head is going to flying across the room." Her head snapped up to meet mine and her voice lowered.

"Just because we ain't yelling doesn't mean we're not irritable up here too. There is a lot of paper work going through here and everyonehastoomuchworkandnotenoughresourcesortime. Which leads me to my next request." She handed the folders back to me and I took them hesitantly.

"Weneedthreecopiesofallofthosepapers, we keep duplicates in different offices to be thorough. Copy room's on level L1…Please." She added quickly as she leaned back over her keyboard. I resigned myself to this small task only because it meant more time before having to go back to the call center. As I was walking away from Diantha, a sweaty middle aged man walked up to her and began to talk to her in an annoyed voice.

"For god's sake Diantha, stop using your fucking multi-colored pens to write stuff, the colors are hard to read. Can't you just use black ink like a normal person?" I looked back to see Diantha conjure up a small flame in the palm of her hand and set the man's tie on fire. He quickly pulled it off and doused it with his bottle of water. Well…I certainly hoped that no one stole her stapler.

"Fucking witches." I heard Diantha say.

Stepping onto the elevator, I felt as if all of my reserved anger since my wakeup call was flowing into my veins and I punched the button for L1 a little too hard. I was cradling my poor finger when I stepped out of the elevator and onto L1. There was no one in sight, which was both refreshing and unnerving. This seemed to be a break area and storage room all in one. There were cardboard boxes full of Trublood and paper reams stacked against the walls. There was a little kitchen area with a fridge and a coffee maker against the other wall. It was easy enough to find the copy room, after all, the door did say "Copy Room". I felt my blood boil to a surprisingly furious level as I reached for the handle and opened the door. When I did, there was no question that it wasn't actually me who was feeling it.

Eric stood frozen in place as he spotted me in the doorway. He took a couple deep breaths and slowly lowered the copier from over his head and set it gently down on the ground. I stood there, saying nothing, as he sheepishly made a dusting motion over the edge of the machine that my presence had, no doubt, saved from being obliterated. I shook myself and walked inside, letting the door close gently behind me. I paused in front of the machine.

"Were you…" I motioned to the copier.

"Um…No, by all means, ladies first." He made a sweeping motion with his arm and stepped back. I took the spot in front of the machine and laid the papers in the appropriate slot so the machine would pull them each though. I made sure it knew I wanted two of everything and pressed the start button. The machine purred to life and started to spit out the warm papers into my waiting hands.

"Oh, sure. For _her_ there's no paper jam." I heard Eric mutter to himself. I tried to stifle my giggle.

"I can feel your amusement and it's not appreciated." His voice was cold and right in my ear, making me jump.

"It's not my fault that you're unacquainted with modern office equipment." I said very quietly. Faster than I could see, I was sitting on top of the copy machine and Eric was standing in between my legs.

"Perhaps you would like to join me in becoming more…acquainted…with it?" His face was so close to my own that his lips brushed against mine as he spoke. I made a small mewing sound out of nervousness, but apparently that meant "yes" in vampire speak and his mouth closed the distance on mine. As his lips and tongue worked over my mouth and neck, his hands slid up my thighs until they brushed the edge of my shirt. I didn't stop him, so his fingers ducked under the fabric and began to caress the flesh of my stomach, moving slowly upwards.

My breathing was accelerating and my skin was shivering with want. I heard bells in my ears and it took me several moments to realize that I wasn't imagining them. I opened my eyes and realized that I was shivering because I was being pelted with cold water from the sprinklers in the ceiling. Eric was either oblivious or didn't care.

"Eric! Fire!" I pushed at his shoulders and felt him growl into my neck. His arms wrapped around my back and legs and he lifted me, bridal style, off the copier and flew out into the larger room, bypassing the elevator and bursting into the stairwell. Everyone else from the two floors below us were already in there and vampires were running by in a blur while others were trying to catch up. We only had one flight of stairs to climb and soon we were outside. I was now shivering even more in the night air in my wet clothes. Eric set me down and looked around the crowd to make sure that everyone I knew was alright and had made it out. One of the windows on the second floor was broken and smoke was billowing out, but the windows were so darkly tinted that I didn't see any flames. I heard the fire trucks approaching in the distance.

"I need to go find Bill and Pam and see what happened." Eric was obviously irate and I made no move to stop him as he left. The firemen ran into the building and I was pretty confident that there was going to be minimum damage. So, I walked around a little, trying to hear (or _hear_) what had happened. I spotted Diantha standing off to the side of the crowd. I walked over to her and raised my eyebrow. She huffed and crossed her arms over her chest.

"Don'tlookatmelikethat. I fucking warned them."

……

**A/N: Yeah…I hope you liked it…it was fun to form the mental model of the office environment.**

**Please Review!**


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